Seasons of Life

Over the last several weeks I have been reminded of a post I wrote last October. I wasn't quite sure why my mind kept going to this particular post, so tonight I decided to re-read and reflect.
I have been in a difficult place lately, I've come to a point where I really just didn't know who I was anymore. I have been in the wilderness. But, as fall began to settle in, something began to stir in me. I kept ignoring it, I was just content to wallow. But, today as I drove through the country and looked at the last of the beautiful trees, Holy Spirit reminded me that this season too shall pass, just as fall is quickly fading, so will I come out of this wilderness. I praise God even for wondering in the wilderness, I have learned something very valuable and life changing. My pastor preached the word Sunday and it was my rhema word, the message was for me. I am WAITING....BELIEVING...and I am of GOOD COURAGE - Psalm 27:13-14. In my waiting, I will embrace this season of thankfulness and I will praise Him for this season of my life. Below is my original post from October 2008....

As I drove to school tonight I couldn't help but notice the beautiful colors that were painted on the trees. I got so excited because I love getting up early on fall weekends, grabbing coffee and heading out to embrace the crisp, cool air and a palette of colors painted across the landscape. Fall is my favorite time of year and I began to thank God for his perfect timing in the seasons. As I thanked Him, I began to reflect on the different seasons and how they can relate to my spiritual life.

Ecclesiates 3:1, "TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:"

It came to me that Lord is teaching us through the natural cycle of the seasons. In the Spring we see new life come forth on the earth, the Summer we see that life being watered and growing, thriving. Fall we see the beauty of the crop, reap it's harvest, and the leaves are turning and reaching their fullest, brightest potential. It's breathtaking! Winter brings a time for the earth to rest, the roots are protected underground and there seems to be a period of scarceness. Just as the earth experiences different seasons, spiritually we also experience a summer, spring, fall and winter.

What if instead of going, going, going (in circles for me!) all the time we stopped and reflected on what the seasons can teach us spiritually. What if now that fall is here, a time of harvest, we take this time to see the fruition of our labor? It's time to reflect on His faithfulness, a time of Thanksgiving, and a time of refreshing. As winter approaches we must store up the bounty of God's faithfulness to get us through. In Winter, we cuddle up and get toasty and warm - we rest physically and get intimate with God. During those dark, cold winter nights we must live on what was stored up in the days of harvest. As Spring approaches, new work is to be done. We plant and begin buzzing around, and use that which God taught us in the winter months. It's a time when sometimes, we must till up hard ground. Summer breaks forth a great time of watering our soul and weeding. If we don't get the water, we will wither up and die; if we don't weed we will be choked by the cares of the world. It's also a time to flourish.

Just seeing God's hand today through the changing color of the leaves - He taught me and reminded me of so much. I'm growing, I'm a work in progess. I'm beautifully and wonderfully made. He wants me to praise Him and thank Him and be refreshed in Him right now during my fall months. And, I'm looking forward to my winter months - my season to get intimate with him, relax and rest in Him, to slow down. A time that I must plan for what lies ahead.

I'm excited that God still speaks to me in the small things. God is Good!

Happy Fall - Give Thanks! Be Refreshed - He has breathtaking experiences for you!

Depression - REALLY?

Last week I received our wellness monthly newsletter via email at work. The topic...Depression Awareness. Normally, I just delete these but I entertained it and even printed it to bring it home. I have really been struggling lately and I was to the point I was ready to admit I was suffering from depression. I have only done that one other time in my life - another story all together - but the Lord revealed Himself then too. Anyway, as I read I couldn't help but relate to many of the symptoms.

According to the newsletter, changes in thinking such as problems with concentration and decision making, increased pessimism and poor self-esteem are symptoms. Also, changes in feelings such feeling sad, no longer enjoying pleasurable activities, lack of motivation and irritability; changes in behavior such as excessive crying, apathetic and social withdrawal and last changes in physical well being such as chronic fatigue, loss of appetite and complaining of aches and pains. I thought to myself I can't believe this is happening to me - I just got back from my HeartQuest where God did amazing things and I know God has great plans for me - why am I so depressed?

Rewind -to the week I returned home from HeartQuest. I came home with a circumsized heart, a heart that needed to be nurtured and taken care of in the word and prayer. Something I neglected to do as I dove right back into life. I allowed other things to take priority and I found myself entertaining worldly things. (Now, this next statement is purely my conviction and not meant to be judgemental or say anything is wrong with people who listen to country music.) But my friends and family who know me well, know that I have only listened to christian music for many years, however as my daughter has found a new love for country music I have found myself listening to it all the time. It completey replaced my worship time in the morning. I was quickly being consumed by a secular world all around and didn't even realize how quickly I was falling.

So, back to reading the newsletter. I brought it home Friday and put it aside, I then went to the prayer room for a night of worship and prayer time. When I woke up Saturday morning I layed in bed but just couldn't bring myself to get up. As I layed there in the stillness, I felt Holy Spirit drop this into my spirit, "You really suffering depression ....or are you under conviction of sin?" Now - that was PROFOUND for me! I mean it took my breath away. The Lord loves his children and he will not just let them rebel and walk in disobedience without correction. Holy Spirit will bring conviction and will not let you go. Praise the Lord for Holy Spirit!

I can't even begin to express how numb I was feeling emotionally, not to mention spiritually and how much physical pain I was in. But I can tell you that I serve an awesome God and once I finally started listening to Holy Spirit instead of my emotions and what my body was telling me - things started to become more clear. I wish I could say that Saturday I was able to break free, but I would be lying. I was supposed to get up then and get in the word and blog what He was showing me. I didn't.

I will, however, tell you that Daddy is pruning me and Holy Spirit is ministering to me and I have come face to face with my sin. (When you step outside of God's will and begin to walk in the flesh you are in sin.) I refuse to to accept anything that this world has to offer me, Satan can't get me to turn my back on my Lord with his schemes and the enemy will give back to me everything he stole. He may have distracted me for a season, but from the words of the veggie tales song, "God is Bigger than the Boogie Man!"

When I started this blog a year ago, I had no idea that the Lord would require me to be so transparent. But, I am being obedient and as I type I can feel His presence sweep over me bringing healing, courage and strength for what lies ahead. For that reason alone, I know that He is all I need. The Lord is my source of life, happiness and ONLY He alone can fulfill the deepest longings in my soul. He is the ONLY source of LIFE and FULFILLMENT - do not let the enemy tell you differently. From the words of the Toby Mac (with Kirk Franklin) song - "I Don't Want to Gain the Whole World and Lose my Soul."

Thank You, Holy Spirit, for conviction and thank you, Lord, for the cross - I RUN to YOU!!!

My ABC's of Thanks

Last night I had the privilege of attending a service where God really showed up and I had a breakthrough! I have really been in a bad mood lately because I had to go to work..I know who really wants to go to work? But, it was more than that. I just had a bad attitude and really had a hard time even getting out of bed. I dreaded it and it was impacting the rest of my life and the quality of my days. I had no idea how much until yesterday when I had lunch with a co-worker and she talked to me about it - then God confirmed it through the message! Coincidence? NO! God has perfect timing. Today has been great and I enjoyed every bit of being at work and my evening. Amazing God! Joy...that's it. Melissa got her "Joy" back...I told my co-workers today..."Melissa got her groove back!" (yes, a movie reference...I'm a dork I know!) Bless my co-workers heart she said, "on behalf of this department, I'm so thankful you got your groove back." I guess I was pretty depressing to be around.

The text was 1 Thessalonians 5:15-22. "See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil."

The thing that stuck out the most last night was when I am ungrateful ... I am NOT in God's will. Wow. How many times have I said that, "I just want to be in God's will" and not realizing that by not being thankful in all things, I wasn't. By the end of the service, I was ready to receive that breakthrough as I shouted thanks to God for so many things! The more I gave thanks I felt the ungrateful spirit leave. Praise the Lord. After my breakthrough, I felt compeled to write my ABC's of thanks...so I did. If you are in a funk and feel yourself just being ungrateful....try writing your own..... We are to be thankful in ALL things. After all, it's God's will!

Lord, I thank You for:

Abundant Love
Beautiful Skies
Creation
Delivering Me
Everlasting Covenant
Frankie, my Amazing Man of God!
Grace
Holy Spirit
Interceding on my behalf!
Justice
Kindness
Loving me no matter what
Madison, my Beautiful Daughter
Never leaving me or forsaking me
Outstretched Hand
Peace in the storm!
Quiet Moments with You
Redeeming Love
Saving my Soul
The Cross!
Undeniable Freedom!
Victory
Weapons of Warfare!
X - Excellence, I am a Woman of Chayil!
Your YES!
Zachary, my wonderful son!

Lord You ARE Good and Your Mercy Endures Forever!!!

Got Sin?

The words of Paul humble me, "I am the worst of sinners." Recently, I have come face to face with my own indwelling sin and true repentance. I say true repentance because I also realized that many times repentance has been in fear of being caught in sin. But, true tears of repentance should be about grieving over hurting our Daddy, our Lord. It pains me to know that my sin pains my Daddy. He is not hording over us waiting for us to mess up so He can unleash a great punishment in our lives - like Big Brother. No, He is gentle and humble in heart and is waiting on us to run to His Mercy Seat so He can pour out His love and grace.

As I read Romans 1:28-32 I am quickly reminded that there is no measurement of sin and It saddens me to see so many Christians with a judgemental spirit. I confess, I used to be one of them, I didn't realize it but the Lord gently showed me. I recently heard a teaching by Dave Busby and he said, "living under the cross means we will understand others; nothing anybody could share would surprise or cause judgement because we know, 'We (I) am the chief of sinners.'" If Paul can recognize this about himself, why can we admit that? He also said, "we need to believe that our flesh is capable of anything." Saying things like, "I can't believe they did that!" means we really don't know the depth of our own sin.

What truly amazes me in the church is how people tend to focus on everybody else's lives rather than their own. In Romans 1: 28-32 we see that God gives us over to our debased mind. We become full of envy, malicious, evil-minded, whisperers (umm..that is GOSSIP), backbiters, proud, boasters, disobedient, and on and on. These things are sin...and they are not measured as a bad habit. They are sin ...and are the same as murder, adultery, idolatry, etc.

Once I came face to face with my own indwelling sin....it was very freeing and humbling. God answers our prayers in his own ways - I have been praying 1 Peter 3:1-6 over myself and this is the first area that God saw fit to "prune." It broke me, freed me, humbled me, qualified me and gave me the gentleness I was praying for.

I would ask you examine yourself...is there a judgemental spirit? How long has it been since you were arrested my your own indwelling sin? Run to the mercy seat.....Father is waiting.